In this kinky modern world, being ‘into feet’ is super common. Many people enjoy foot fetish play as part of their sex life. But if you're a foot slave (or hope to be), it might feel challenging to have the conversation with your partner for the first time. You might feel awkward, ashamed, or even worry that they'll end the relationship.
Luckily, foot fetish is becoming more mainstream and that acceptance may help you when you’re ready to have that conversation. If you fantasise about being a devoted foot slave for your Dom, it's time to come out and be honest about your kinky desires! Here are some practical tips and ideas for telling your partner you're a foot fetishist.
Foot slave 101: what is a foot fetishist?
A foot fetishist is someone who has a sexual interest in feet – they're turned on by feet, toes, or ankles. Some kinksters are also aroused by certain types of shoes, the smell of feet, stockings, or sneakers.
When it comes to kink play, there are many different ways to indulge a foot fetish. Some fetishists simply like looking at feet, while others prefer to sniff, lick, or massage the feet of their partners. Some may enjoy being walked on, or painting their lover's toenails. Or they might get off on smelling their partner's sweaty gym socks or shoes. There's a lot of variety when it comes to finding feet sexy!
Many fetishists enjoy 'foot slave' play – assuming a subservient role and being ordered to worship their partner's feet. This kind of play is a kind of domination and submission (D/s.)
Why do people enjoy foot fetish?
Feet, shoes and stockings are all incredibly popular fetishes. One study has reported that, of all fetishes related to body parts, foot fetishism accounts for almost 50%. Like many fetishes, some suggest this kink develops from associations made in early life, while others simply have a strong aesthetic appreciation for feet and ankles.
There are dozens of different ways to enjoy feet as part of kinky sex. While some foot fetishists love incorporating foot play into a Dominant/submissive dynamic, others may simply love seeing a good pair of feet while still enjoying otherwise vanilla sex. It can be a very personal, creative, and sensual kink.
Some kinksters require feet to be involved in sex in order for them to become aroused, while for others, it's an optional or added bonus when engaging in kinky sex.
Should you tell your partner?
If you're in a long-term relationship, you may feel hesitant about sharing this kink with your partner. Even though BDSM is increasingly considered socially acceptable and healthy, there are still a lot of people out there who hold negative views about kink. You might be worried that your girlfriend will think you're deviant in some way. You may even be worried about her ending the relationship if she doesn't accept your views.
It's true that being honest about your kinks is always a risk, due to social stigma. However, there are a lot of advantages to being honest about your desires with your partner. A satisfying sex life is all about knowing what turns each other on – and if you haven't been honest with your significant other, how will they know how to please you? Talking about your kinks and preferences together can be a great way to build trust and intimacy – you may even discover that you have some sexual interests in common, or that your partner has some fetishes of their own!
Tips for having the conversation
If being honest about your needs is the right choice for you, how do you have the conversation with your partner? This is the trickiest bit, and it pays to take it slowly!
First, choose the right time. Opening up to someone is easier when you've set aside time to be intimate, and you're feeling relaxed. Once you broach the topic, it's best to be direct. Saying "I'm really turned on by feet" is a great start, and if they react well to this, you can offer examples of the activities you hope to try.
As you talk, remember that this is a perfectly normal fetish. Reassure your partner, and send them links to articles such as this, so that they can learn more about it.
Your partner might be worried that you're going to pressure them into doing something they aren’t comfortable with, or experimenting with kink before they’re ready. So it might also be helpful to say, "I'm telling you this because I trust you, but I don't expect you to share my kinks." Reassure your partner that you don't have any expectations, but just wanted to be open with them.
How to explore your foot fetish together
If your SO is interested, it's a win! They might be open to helping you explore your desires. If they say they’re keen, you can start talking about what you'd like to do together in the bedroom.
For kink novices, starting slow is always a good idea. So you could suggest giving them a foot massage or lightly kissing their toes, for example. Don't try to rush things or do everything at once – it's much more fun to explore slowly! With each activity that you try together, check in and ask how your partner is feeling.
Once you're both comfortable with a little foot sexiness, you may wish to dive into more advanced activities. You could also suggest that they take charge, assuming a more dominant role and so that you can play the role of the willing foot slave.
No matter what, make sure each specific scene is something you're both enthusiastic about trying and that you negotiate your limits beforehand.
What if she's not interested in foot fetish?
Of course, it doesn't always go this way. Sometimes when we reveal our kinks and interests, our partner simply doesn't share our enthusiasm. That's okay – after all, everyone enjoys different things in the bedroom.
You may feel a little disappointed, or even rejected. If they react badly, it's useful to remind yourself that many people have negative ideas about BDSM simply because they don't know enough about the subject. You may wish to refer them to some online articles, so that she can understand that kink is okay (and can be fun!)
But at the end of the day, good sex can only happen when everyone involved is doing activities they enjoy. If your partner isn't turned on by the idea of foot fetish play, doing this stuff with them won't be enjoyable, and it could damage your relationship. In this case, you'll need to focus on other activities that turn both of you on. If feet are an essential part of sex for you, you may wish to consider whether your relationship is sustainable.
Coming out as a foot slave might feel impossible…
...but with the right person, being honest about your sexual needs can deepen your relationship and lead to a fulfilling sex life. If you dream of being a foot slave for your partner, you'll need to have the conversation!