Are you curious about forced orgasms in your kinky play? Perhaps you've overheard your fetish friends talking about forced orgasms or orgasm denial, or read a few conversations about this kind of BDSM activity on a forum. The truth is, there are many different ways to play with forced orgasms and orgasm denial during a BDSM scene. To know what you'd like to try, you need to know the difference.
Read on for an in-depth comparison of these two popular forms of kink play.
Exploring orgasm control
Forced orgasms and orgasm denial might sound like opposites, but they have a lot in common. They both focus on one thing: giving up control. Orgasm control is a particular kind of D/s play – a kink where the submissive partner allows the dominant one to take charge of when and how they come.
There are a few different ways you can play with orgasm control. Here are the most popular options:
Chastity
In BDSM, chastity play is a kind of power exchange where the person giving up power (the submissive) is forbidden to experience sexual pleasure by the person taking charge (the Dominant). This control may be verbal, or the sub may be required to wear a specialised chastity device that prevents them from getting an erection, masturbating, or having sex.
Forced orgasms
A forced orgasm scenario involves the Dominant person stimulating their partner – often while they're bound or restrained – until they orgasm. The submissive might protest or pretend to be reluctant (although of course everything has been negotiated beforehand, and safe words can be used to stop play at any time).
Forced orgasms are often used during kidnapping, interrogation, or ravishment scenes; it's a way for the sub to get off even though they're pretending to resist. Some dominants find it especially satisfying if they enjoy giving pleasure.
Orgasm denial
What if you flip the script? Rather than forcing your submissive to have an orgasm, orgasm denial involves 'edging' – getting them as close as possible to coming, then stopping so that they don't climax. A skilful dominant can do this repeatedly, leaving their sub even more sexually frustrated each time. If they do finally allow their partner to come, it's often much more intense than if they had climaxed the first time around.
Ruined orgasms
Going one step further, ruined orgasms are orgasm denial taken to the extreme. The dominant will edge the submissive, but prevent them from coming at the last moment, or change the stimulation so that the orgasm they do have is less satisfying. This results in a low-quality or low-to-no-sensation orgasm.
Forced orgasms and orgasm denial compared
How do you know which of these kinks is right for you? Although forced orgasms and orgasm denial have a lot in common, there are a few ways they differ...
Whether an orgasm happens (and how quickly it happens)
Where a forced orgasm scene always ends with the sub climaxing, the same isn't always true for an orgasm denial scenario. Sure, the Top may choose to allow their partner to come, but they might simply stop and leave them frustrated, if that's something they both enjoy.
A sexy forced orgasm scenario doesn't have to involve teasing – the submissive might be made to come quickly. Other kinds of forced orgasm scenes usually involve teasing and denial, often drawn out over a long time.
The type of psychological play
Possibly the biggest difference between forced orgasms and orgasm denial is psychological – the dynamic of the scene, and what goes on in the mind of the participants. Forced orgasm play involves the submissive partner ‘protesting’ against having an orgasm (though they’ve negotiated their wants and desires beforehand). On the other hand, during an orgasm denial scene the submissive wants to come, and often begs their dominant for release.
This means that certain roleplay scenes are more suited to one kind of play than the other. For example, a ‘captive’ roleplay scenario might be perfect for forced orgasm play, as the submissive is being made to come ‘against their will’. But orgasm denial fits better in 'teasing' roleplays, like a horny housewife and her husband in a domestic discipline scene.
The different skills involved
If you're the Dominant, both forced orgasm and orgasm denial play require a skilled touch and a thorough knowledge of the body of the person you're playing with. You'll need to know exactly where to touch them to turn them on, and how to tell when they're close to climaxing.
Both activities require the skill to bring your partner close to orgasm. Some dominants use toys such as Hitachi wands for this purpose, where others prefer to use their hands. You might even find that other kinds of stimulation (CBT, sensation play) may work for your sub.
Orgasm denial requires an additional measure of self-control and attentiveness to your partner. Rather than simply pushing them over the edge, you need to know how to tell when they're close, and pull back so that they don't get there.
How to choose the orgasm control style that's right for you
If you're keen to experiment with orgasm control, knowing which approach is right for you might take a little experimentation. You need to ask yourself a few questions:
"What do my partner and I enjoy the most?"
Not everyone likes being teased, and some people find edging a complete turn-off. On the other hand, many kinksters find that they need a long build-up in order to have a satisfying orgasm. By talking with your play partner about what feels good for their body (or yours), you can get an idea of whether a forced orgasm or orgasm denial might be pleasurable.
"Do I have the skills to bring my partner to orgasm?" or "How easily do I orgasm?"
Getting someone off is a skill, and it depends very much on the body of the person you're playing with. Firstly, consider whether you'd like to use toys, or whether you have the skills to stimulate your partner using your hands or tongue. In addition, to be successful at orgasm denial you'll need to become very good at edging: noticing when your sub is close to climaxing, and backing off in time to prevent orgasm.
If you're the submissive partner, you may find it difficult to come quickly, or to avoid coming when teased. Knowing how your body operates means you can decide whether forced orgasms or orgasm denial are going to work for you.
"What kinds of roleplay scenarios are we interested in?"
The deciding factor will probably be what kinds of roleplay scenarios turn you on. If you're fantasising about an interrogation scene, forced orgasms might fit more easily into this scenario. But if you get off on a scene where you tease and frustrate your partner, then orgasm denial is probably a good activity to try. Either way, feel free to experiment. Trying different roleplays and scenes is an excellent way to figure out what you and your play partner both enjoy.
Forced orgasms can be fun, but so can orgasm denial!
Both kinds of play involve the Dominant partner controlling the submissive for the ultimate pleasure of all involved. You may find that either forced orgasms or orgasm denial fit better into your play sessions depending on your body and that of your partner, as well as the roleplay scenarios you enjoy. Don't be afraid to try things out and talk it over with your partner! Once you know the difference, you can experiment until you find something that works for you.
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